"no you can't have my number, cus i lost my phone"

luckily for me, a homeless woman found it and called my parents 7 times starting at 6:30am. and anthony a little before 9. and bully's deli twice. which is super strange because i had ordered a sandwich from there on tuesday night, but don't have the number saved in my phone. i googled it out of curiosity when i got home. so she either scrolled thru ALL of my outgoing calls and found the only 212 number i've called all week, or she, too, wanted a buffalo chicken wrap. no calls to any foreign countries, so thats good. My parents called both my roommates, twice each, leaving voicemails about my safety and where abouts. i was sleeping soundly on drew's couch. I actually didn't think it was a big deal when i realized i had lost my phone and called it to check my voicemail and found out that some crazy homeless lady found it. a little surprised when she answered. I was caught off guard and could only think to say "Hello? do you have my phone?" Drew kindly informed me "if she says no, she's lying." The whole thing went a lot more smoothly than when i left my phone in a cab a few months ago, and the cab driver called roger, but didn't speak english and kept yelling "TELEPHONO" and then hanging up. Why even bother getting in touch with me if you're going to make zero effort to give me my phone back? or speak english. But apparently it was kind of a big deal to people like my parents. Crazy homeless lady informed me that she had called both of my parents, and apologized in case she got me in trouble. "no, they're cool. its fine" I called my Dad to let him know i had tracked my phone and was gonna go pick it up (AKA would not be borrowing $200 for a new blackberry) and he said "well i can finally breathe now. do you have any idea what its like to get a phone call from some crazy homeless woman that she's found your daughters phone in pieces in the streets of new york city and have no way to get in contact with you?" i can't really say that i do, but i would imagine it wasn't the most pleasant morning in my household. "hold on, let me get your mother so she can hear your voice." The crazy homeless lady had told my mother she found it "on these damn dirty streets." my mother called jared explaining 'apparently casey was in a not so great place last night..." which is really funny to me because i was at "avenue" in the meat packing district. i probably dropped my phone getting into the limo that took us home.

people who were contacted in order to find me/my phone for those of you keeping track:
-Mom
-Dad
-Anthony
-Bully's Deli
-Emily
-Jared
-Roger
-Matt
-Carrie
-Katie
-Harry
-Drew
-Kelly K
-Cory

so that was the great search and rescue mission of 2010. there was actually a lot of details that were left out of that story because i felt like it was getting too long and boring. but lets just say losing my phone was possibly a bigger deal than baby jessica falling in that well. which, all said and done, i really do appreciate. good to know so many people care about me enough to track me down and make sure i'm not dead for my parents.

thats not really what i wanted to blog about today though. I wanted to start a new segment of my blog called "things you shouldn't say to a girl to try to pick her up at a bar." But that lily allen song 'knock em out' came on and i thought it was a good title... and the rest is history. so... without any further ado... "things you shouldn't say to a girl to try to pick her up at a bar." this will probably, most likely, unfortunately, be a reoccurring segment of my blog.

"just because i can't remember your name doesn't mean i'm not obsessed with you"

"You seem like a girl i could talk to for more than 20 minutes without wanting to kill myself"

"your boyfriend doesn't appreciate your haircut"

"we kinda had a bet going to see if you girls were on a first date or something. we've been watching you all night."

those things are complimentary or interesting. Ok, i lied, the haircut line has a 50% chance of eliciting a response. i just personally refuse to reward any boy for a line like that where i have to start out my response with "i don't have a boyfriend." don't think you're tricking us with that. we know exactly what you're trying to do. it is not slick or subtle. but, the idea of my haircut being underappreciated is hilarious. I do like to reward things that are creative and funny.

Now, a one act play.

PLACE: Puck Fair. New York, NY
TIME: a couple weeks ago
CAST: The role of Casey will be played by Casey. The role of boy will be played by a boy at puck fair.
Lights up! and.. go.
Boy: "Can i buy you a drink"
Casey: "oh, no thats ok. actually my friends and i are about to leave"
Boy: "Oh come on, stay for one drink."
Casey: "No i really can't, but thank you for the offer"
Boy: "No don't worry about it, its on the company card."

Casey thinks to herself "where exactly to do work that i am considered a business expense?" slash "oh thank god! for a minute i was worried that you were gonna spend $8 of your OWN money on a drink i didn't want in the first place." but boy has walked away too quickly for her to chose which to say to him.

Boy reenters the scene with an 18oz bottle of beer and a glass. *note to the properties master: beer bottles don't exist in that size, but if this kid can make it happen so can you. Casey pours half of the beer in the glass and hands it to the boy. they talk (casey should not be portrayed as a complete bitch. she is actually being quite polite to boy's face), Casey passes the bottle she's drinking out of to the 4 friends accompanying her in an effort to finish it quickly and leave (note from the playwright. casey is kind of a bitch).

Boy: "I'm sorry 3 of my friends came over here to talk to you earlier"
FLASHBACK: montage of 3 boys separately approaching Casey as she's pleasantly talking with her friends to tell her how outstanding she looks. she is flattered, and very surprised, but not impressed. Cut back to present time.
Boy: I think i lost my job today, so they're trying to set me up with you because you're so hot."

And... Curtain.

what. how do you even respond to that?

Now, i do give guys that hit on me at bars a little bit of credit. it takes balls to walk up to me because i'm constantly surrounded by dudes where ever i go. it actually really doesn't happen that often, so you would think with the amount of complaining about being single that i've done that 'beggars can't be choosers' and i should treat these prospective future boyfriends a little more delicately. however, i am not impressed by 'game' at all, and i will not put up with it. i recognize that shit immediately and make sure do everything in my power to make it as difficult as possible for a guy to get any information out of me at all. or i just don't respond at all and find an excuse to walk away if i'm feeling courteous. but most of the time, i'm condescending as hell. as i should be. at least its a little more entertaining for me. i think pick up lines that aren't funny are just insulting to my intelligence. which is why i've listened to that lily allen song four times while writing this entry.

"Oh yeah, actually yeah I'm pregnant, having a baby in like 6 months so no."

"Umm... i'm like, getting married next week. yeah, seriously."

"Nah I've gotta go cos my house is on fire, I've hot Herpes, err no I've got syphilis..."

don't be surprised if you hear me saying any of those things to some rando at some point. in an english accent. also, don't be surprised when i die alone with my cat and gallons upon gallons of ice cream wearing some type of jogging running windpant attire.