Hey good lookin, whatcha got cookin

I've decided as part of our 3.5 week detox (that was officially ruined on the first day of our detox. by about 6pm) I'm going to cook more. mostly because i'm poor. also because people seem to like reading food blogs. and because i'm really sick of the sorry excuses for "Restaurants" in Bushwick. Except chinese food, but i can no longer go back there.

a couple weeks ago, i decided to stop by the Chinese take out place conveniently locate at the steps of the subway. I ordered my food, paid, threw a dollar on the counter and patiently waited for my orange chicken. he gave me my food, and stared at the dollar on the counter. "Miss?" he said. "Yeah, thats for you" i said. He looked at me like i was crazy. thats when i remembered that you don't tip for chinese FOOD you tip for chinese food DELIVERY. or a waiter at an actual restaurant, i suppose. not some guy working behind a counter at what would be equivalent to a McDonald's. embarrassing. so i'm never going back. i don't need their slanty eyes of judgment. (racial).

so i came home and cooked. and what a beautiful i prepared, if i do say so myself.

i know what you're thinking. "WOAH! Where'd you learn to cook a meal like that??? did you graduate from some sort of culinary school? is the plate sitting on a chair because you don't own a kitchen table or an end table? Are those fish filets from a box? did those waffle fries come pre-seasoned??? what brand of ketchup did you use? Do you and your roommates own an entire set of blue plastic cutlery?"

you know what, guys? I don't have time to answer those questions, ok! I'm really busy avoiding looking at my bank statement, not doing my own laundry and sitting next to 3 months of gas bills that haven't been paid even though we only own national grid approximately $6 each. I will tell you this. i'm going to make some man so happy someday.

Best part of the meal, however, is yet to come. When i went to the bodega next door to buy an orange soda, i was lucky enough to find the most perfectest desert:

just in case you folk in the back can't quite read that, its called a BUBU LUBU. Don't mind if i DOBU. this candybar seems a little too good to be TRUEBU. the best part about it....

it looks like Hanky the Christmas POOBU.

ok i'll stop.

but if you have any questions, feel free to call the number listed on the back of the candy bar. they seem to encourage it. (too small for a photograph, so i'll have to type it out) GET IN TOUCH WITH US. 18 77 22 47 374 A good Americanly formatted phone number. i can't guarantee it'll be a toll free call.

A post-pubescent meal such as this can mean one thing: I don't respect myself.

i did manage to use the oven all by myself. Gold star for me.