Is it just me or does my bed room smell like animal carcus?

I don't know if i'm just being paranoid. but i think it does. on Friday, while getting ready for work, i found a dead mouse on my floor. In my head, the mouse was never in our apartment until its last moments on earth when it decided to come inside and curl up next to my slipper for a comfortable transition into mouse heaven. Who can blame it? as much as i would prefer to not have a dead mouse in my room, the humanitarian in me is willing to honor its last wishes.

the boys, on the other hand, are pretty sure stella killed it and brought it into my room as a gift. i am completely aware that this is a natural, normal thing for cats to do, and have been nervous about the idea of this happening since i brought her into this apartment (we had a pretty severe problem with the mice last winter). I've even called my dad to ask what to do if she brings me a dead mouse. "i don't know Case, you'll probably have to clean it up, or get one of your roommates to help you." I guess that's a pretty reasonable answer. I do want to say if this is true, if she did kill a mouse as a gift for me, i'm at least glad she put it on my floor and not in my bed. i don't know if i would have been able to recover from that. I would also like to say to stella... i prefer chocolate and jewelry. but i guess its the thought that counts.

Anyway... i found this mouse, and i was so scared and freaked out about what to do that i literally just stared at it for a good 7 minutes, making me late to work. I knew i couldn't pick it up myself, but i also knew i was too nice of a roommate to wake the boys up at 8:30 to pick up a dead mouse. BUT i didn't want stella to find it (still under the assumption that it died of natural causes). Hence the 7 minute freak out... thats a lot to think about. I ended up just puttin my slipper over the mouse and sending the boys a text informing them that if they took care of this mouse before i got home from work i would do anything for them. I meant it. i can't think of a single thing i wouldn't in order to NOT pick up a dead mouse. yes... even that.

I got home from work, quickly got changed for an evening out. then hyperventilated for a quick second when i remembered about the mouse... but it wasn't there. thank god. I went into the kitchen, and Roger even double checked with me, "Did someone take care of that mouse for you?" "YES. thank god. i'm just a little nervous about what i'm gonna have to do in return."

HOWEVER. the next day, there was a sudden twist of fate. Jared Matt and I were setting up to paint, and Jared said "hey did you clean that mouse out of your room?" I said "no i thought you did" he informed me that he had not. He couldn't find it. Matt told me he had checked my room when he got home and there wasn't a mouse so he assumed someone else took care of it. I thought jared was just trying to fuck with me. But after enough "don't fuck with me jared, for real. i might cry"s he eventually convinced me that he in fact looked under the green slipper, looked around my room, couldn't find any dead animals. so this means no one picked it up. The only conclusion was that stella ate it. my world pretty much crumbled at this thought. I hate mice. i love stella. how was i supposed to still cuddle with her if i knew she ate one? i reverted into a five year old asking a million questions trying my best to wrap my head around just HOW this could happen. Luckily, the boys were there to help me out.

"did she eat the bones?" yes. Jared told me that she would eventually cough up the bones and fur in a little pellet like an owl. and that it would probably in my bed. i'm gonna assume this isn't true. sometimes its really hard to tell with him. For the record, he didn't have to fuck with me at all. i was verge of tears this entire time. and i stood motionless in the living room with my shoulders to my ears and my arms wrapped around my stomach for the entire conversation.

"is she gonna get sick? if it just died naturally it was probably toxic" Apparently cats have an amazing immune system and she'll be fine. plus she probably killed it in the first place.

"no, i dont think she did. it wasn't bloody at all" apparently, yes, she killed it, then licked its wounds to clean it. is that true? i still don't know. seems more probable then owl pellets. but its so gross.

"what if she tries to lick my face?" I was reminded that she also licks her own asshole, so i shouldn't have a problem with a little mouse blood. and again with the immune system, her mouth is cleaner than my mouth, multiple inappropriate jokes about where my mouth had been, etc etc.

"What if she gets mouse aids. there's already a chance she has feline aids from her promiscuous alley cat days this summer." they informed me that there's no such thing as mouse aids. admittedly, i knew that. but still. the question needed to be asked.

"most importantly, do you think there's more mice?" I've learned that there's a pretty good chance of this. We do live on the first floor in an older building in brooklyn. and we had mice last year around this time. I was really hoping that stella's presence in the apartment alone would be enough to keep the mice away. I thought it was working. I haven't seen or heard a single mouse thus far. We also sealed the hole under my heating vent that we think they were getting through and still have mouse traps in prime mouse spots in the apt. And we have an exterminator come to our apt once a month... but he was pretty much useless last year.

"but... i don't want her to have eaten a mouse." the boys apologized, but there was really nothing we could do about that at this point. not a very satisfying answer.

"Am i a bad mom for not taking care of it that morning? what do i even do if i find a mouse in the future so she doesn't eat it? i don't think i would even know where to start. do i use a paper towel? where do i put it? it seems too big to flush, do i just throw it away? what is it going to feel like in my hand? can you feel its bones and stuff?" I can use a plastic bag to pick it up. i throw it in the trash. it will feel gross. its more squishy and gooey than bony, depending on how long its been dead. You've got to be fucking kidding me.

I was constantly reminded to settle down because it was a part of nature. but i don't care. its gross. I was also reminded that it wasn't a big deal and that everything was going to be fine. but i wasn't so sure of that.

Anyway, the 'good' news is that stella did not eat the mouse. she buried it in a pile of laundry on my floor. i found it today...monday...3 days after the initial mouse siting... cleaning my room. Luckily, Matt was home and could help me out... but was on the phone so i had to hyperventilate in the living room for about 5 minutes til he was done. Matt, wandering around the living room when he was done on the phone, asked "Wait... what was i doing?" Mouse. are you kidding? how could you forget. mouse. there's a dead mouse on my floor. its a big deal. "where is it?" On my floor right next to my bed... when you walk in its on the right kinda by my book shelf in the middle of the floor. you'll see it. its a dead mouse. "... are you not going in your room until its gone?" absolutely not. "is that why you've been sitting awkwardly on the couch staring at me for ten minutes?" that is correct.

He took care of it. i closed my eyes as he walked into the living room with the bag... i don't know why, i had already seen the mouse multiple times, its not like seeing the plastic bag it was in would have been any worse.

Now i know i will never be able to live alone. yes, i did live alone my senior of college, but that was before i knew just how terrified of mice i am... no that's not true... i've always known. My boyfriend at the time had a mouse in his apartment that year. one time i was over there and he ran his hand up my arm and i started crying. real tears. "Casey! we just saw the mouse run into the bathroom. how could you possibly think that was real?" "I just really don't like mice." that's not an answer, for the record. but again... i'm 5. From then on I made him check the bedroom and shove towels under the crack of his door before i slept over.

Seriously. i don't know what i would do without my roommates. picking up dead animals, putting up with me crying and asking way too many questions about the circle of life. Props to you, boys.

now i'm sitting in my bedroom convinced that my room still smells like dead animal. i cleaned. and fabreezed. i'm probably, hopefully just paranoid. is it asking too much to wake the boys up at 3am to come smell my room? yes. i'm fine. just paranoid. right? and whatever it is that i keep seeing out of the corner of my eye that looks like its running across my room, but disappears when i turn my head... thats probably my imagination. as is whatever i keep feeling running up my leg.

well... real live mouse or not... i work in the morning and need to find a way to get some sleep. writing about mice is not gonna help.

stella just jumped on my lap. she better keep her filthy mouse paws away from my face tonight. thats all i'm sayin.