an introduction to the crazy

So... every once in a while, my mind takes an idea and just runs with it. unprompted. i just get these very vivid images of something hilarious, and laugh to myself. kind of like ally mcbeal, only i know they're not real. most of the time. but i always kind of secretly hope it will actually happen at some point. Except for the subway rat meetings, where i'm passing from the uptown train in that cement tunnel thats always creepy and unpopulated and smells like pee under the tracks to the downtown platform, and i stumble on a rat meeting where one rat has on a vest and glasses and is standing at a podium and all of the other rats are standing on 2 legs and have clipboards and are nodding intently and taking notes. then they all slowly turn to me as i stand there dumbfounded and the rat at the podium says "excuse me ma'am. can i help you?" and i apologetically turn around and just get on an uptown train even though i need to go downtown just to get the fuck away from those rats. WHAT are they planning???? I have this image in my head every time i start down the stairs to any transfer like this (namely at bridget's stop on the G cust its the creepiest). Actually, i secretly even hope that happens just so i can tell everyone i told you so.

but that thought is nothing new. i think a majority of my readers (the thousands and thousands of you) already know that because you've been with me as i hesitantly look around in corner in absolute terror. Here's the image that i keep laughing about lately.

The bathroom at work is actually down the hall from my office (there's only 2 offices on the 8th floor and i think a total 5 female employs plus a handful of patients.) There's one of the older paper towel dispensers that has individual sheets of paper towel, the kind you have to 'pull with both hands' and then wait for the next sheet to pop out with a little wheel on the side in case it doesn't. There's also, in red lettering, a label pointing to that wheel that says EMERGENCY FEED. which cracks me up. Every time i pull my first sheet of paper towel and am waiting for the 2nd sheet to pop up, i contemplate what would qualify as a paper towel EMERGENCY and invision a woman running into the bathroom in that 30 seconds between sheet screaming and waiving her hands in the air "WE NEED PAPER TOWELS!! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! OUT OF THE WAY I NEED THAT NEXT PAPERTOWEL" and i have to help her by turning the wheel because there's no time to wait for the next sheet to pop out on its own. I have yet to come up with what i think this paper towel emergency is. I'm probably going to have to brain storm on that before i.... what exactly? i don't know. but as of right now, i'm unwilling to commit to any specific situation.

I take these little vignettes really seriously. Actually, again referring to the rat meeting, One time Tim made reference to it as we were at that damn stop on the G, "Maybe we'll run into that rat king down there" or something along those lines and i laughed for a little bit, then just felt completely unsettled and got really serious and said "Ok, but its not really a king as much as it a CEO." "right. right. i'm sorry. Rat CEO." Thanks Tim. Luckily for me my friends understand these things about me. they're kinda crazy too.

i like that i'm tagging this as RAT CEO. now i'm praying that someone will do a google blog search for rat ceo and read this and we'll fall madly in love and have lots of babies. who would search rat ceo? If there's someone out there who does, call me.