So... every once in a while, my mind takes an idea and just runs with it. unprompted. i just get these very vivid images of something hilarious, and laugh to myself. kind of like ally mcbeal, only i know they're not real. most of the time. but i always kind of secretly hope it will actually happen at some point. Except for the subway rat meetings, where i'm passing from the uptown train in that cement tunnel thats always creepy and unpopulated and smells like pee under the tracks to the downtown platform, and i stumble on a rat meeting where one rat has on a vest and glasses and is standing at a podium and all of the other rats are standing on 2 legs and have clipboards and are nodding intently and taking notes. then they all slowly turn to me as i stand there dumbfounded and the rat at the podium says "excuse me ma'am. can i help you?" and i apologetically turn around and just get on an uptown train even though i need to go downtown just to get the fuck away from those rats. WHAT are they planning???? I have this image in my head every time i start down the stairs to any transfer like this (namely at bridget's stop on the G cust its the creepiest). Actually, i secretly even hope that happens just so i can tell everyone i told you so.
but that thought is nothing new. i think a majority of my readers (the thousands and thousands of you) already know that because you've been with me as i hesitantly look around in corner in absolute terror. Here's the image that i keep laughing about lately.
The bathroom at work is actually down the hall from my office (there's only 2 offices on the 8th floor and i think a total 5 female employs plus a handful of patients.) There's one of the older paper towel dispensers that has individual sheets of paper towel, the kind you have to 'pull with both hands' and then wait for the next sheet to pop out with a little wheel on the side in case it doesn't. There's also, in red lettering, a label pointing to that wheel that says EMERGENCY FEED. which cracks me up. Every time i pull my first sheet of paper towel and am waiting for the 2nd sheet to pop up, i contemplate what would qualify as a paper towel EMERGENCY and invision a woman running into the bathroom in that 30 seconds between sheet screaming and waiving her hands in the air "WE NEED PAPER TOWELS!! THIS IS AN EMERGENCY! OUT OF THE WAY I NEED THAT NEXT PAPERTOWEL" and i have to help her by turning the wheel because there's no time to wait for the next sheet to pop out on its own. I have yet to come up with what i think this paper towel emergency is. I'm probably going to have to brain storm on that before i.... what exactly? i don't know. but as of right now, i'm unwilling to commit to any specific situation.
I take these little vignettes really seriously. Actually, again referring to the rat meeting, One time Tim made reference to it as we were at that damn stop on the G, "Maybe we'll run into that rat king down there" or something along those lines and i laughed for a little bit, then just felt completely unsettled and got really serious and said "Ok, but its not really a king as much as it a CEO." "right. right. i'm sorry. Rat CEO." Thanks Tim. Luckily for me my friends understand these things about me. they're kinda crazy too.
i like that i'm tagging this as RAT CEO. now i'm praying that someone will do a google blog search for rat ceo and read this and we'll fall madly in love and have lots of babies. who would search rat ceo? If there's someone out there who does, call me.
Thursday, November 12, 2009
Tuesday, November 10, 2009
Neoplasticism Pictures
Last month I modeled in a hair show for some of my old co-workers at good ole Arrojo Studio. Here's the pics from their website!
OK... here's the pictures of ME on their website. There's a bunch of other great pics. The stylists did a wonderful job putting together an amazing show. Check out the rest of the pics at http://www.arrojostudio.com/studio/featured/neoplasticism.html
OK... here's the pictures of ME on their website. There's a bunch of other great pics. The stylists did a wonderful job putting together an amazing show. Check out the rest of the pics at http://www.arrojostudio.com/studio/featured/neoplasticism.html
Monday, November 9, 2009
Sunday Funday
I'm normally not a big fan of leaving my house on Sundays. I'm usually in my sweatpants and glasses with my hair in a ponytail napping in various parts of my apartment. sometimes i drop off my laundry. sometimes i don't.
this Sunday, however, I arranged a play date with Tim. I had canceled on him on thursday because my horoscope said i wouldn't be in the mood for deep conversation, but to not be offended, i'd be ready in 3 days. I was extremely offended. I don't like my horoscope calling me shallow. You know whats shallow? horoscopes. Anyway, that night i was getting ready to leave work and although i was really excited to see Tim because i LOVE him, i started thinking "wow... its been a really long time since i've really talked to him. if i want to tell him about this, i'm gonna have to tell him about this and this and this and i'm not in the mood." touche, horoscope. i will never judge you again.
SO, i text tim and set up a coffee date for 6ish when he was done with his sample sale. then i started watching glee and almost canceled on him again again because i really just wanted to keep watching that show. BUT i didn't. Mostly for issues of pride and self esteem of not actually being that shallow. and because i was desperate to get out of the funky mood i had been in that morning (10am-5pm) and Tim always puts me in a good mood. AND because i love tim. We had a great time sitting at a dinner and catching up and laughing and gossiping, and eavesdropping on the couple next to us who were talking about some 'faggot' and some 'slut' and we wondered if they were referring to us (they couldn't have been... right?). Then we took advantage of the BEAUTIFUL fall night and walked from Madison Square Garden to Union Square where i got on the train to go home.
only, i met up with justin instead for free tequila night. which sounded like a terrible idea for a sunday. but seeing justin sounded like a great one. so i met up with him for a seltzer water with lime and sipped on a tequila sunrise... which was mostly orange juice. Justin told me a poop joke, and i laughed like a school girl. Then, his friend leaned over about 2 hours later and whispered discreetly as the bathroom door behind us flew open and a waive of STANK entered the bar "Someone forgot to use the air freshener." Justin yelled "POOP" in a bar of maybe 15 people all very much in ear shot of this former Kent State Cheerleader. That is why he's my favorite. Then he walked me to the bodega so i could get a sandwich (he talked me out of the fried chicken i really really really wanted) and we found incense called "mj's moonwalk"
maybe i'll start leaving the house on sundays more often.
speaking horoscopes (which i'm in all actuality not even that into) today mine included the phrase "Don't be overly dramatic about your own version of paradise lost." I stopped judging you. please stop judging me. can't we all just get along?
this Sunday, however, I arranged a play date with Tim. I had canceled on him on thursday because my horoscope said i wouldn't be in the mood for deep conversation, but to not be offended, i'd be ready in 3 days. I was extremely offended. I don't like my horoscope calling me shallow. You know whats shallow? horoscopes. Anyway, that night i was getting ready to leave work and although i was really excited to see Tim because i LOVE him, i started thinking "wow... its been a really long time since i've really talked to him. if i want to tell him about this, i'm gonna have to tell him about this and this and this and i'm not in the mood." touche, horoscope. i will never judge you again.
SO, i text tim and set up a coffee date for 6ish when he was done with his sample sale. then i started watching glee and almost canceled on him again again because i really just wanted to keep watching that show. BUT i didn't. Mostly for issues of pride and self esteem of not actually being that shallow. and because i was desperate to get out of the funky mood i had been in that morning (10am-5pm) and Tim always puts me in a good mood. AND because i love tim. We had a great time sitting at a dinner and catching up and laughing and gossiping, and eavesdropping on the couple next to us who were talking about some 'faggot' and some 'slut' and we wondered if they were referring to us (they couldn't have been... right?). Then we took advantage of the BEAUTIFUL fall night and walked from Madison Square Garden to Union Square where i got on the train to go home.
only, i met up with justin instead for free tequila night. which sounded like a terrible idea for a sunday. but seeing justin sounded like a great one. so i met up with him for a seltzer water with lime and sipped on a tequila sunrise... which was mostly orange juice. Justin told me a poop joke, and i laughed like a school girl. Then, his friend leaned over about 2 hours later and whispered discreetly as the bathroom door behind us flew open and a waive of STANK entered the bar "Someone forgot to use the air freshener." Justin yelled "POOP" in a bar of maybe 15 people all very much in ear shot of this former Kent State Cheerleader. That is why he's my favorite. Then he walked me to the bodega so i could get a sandwich (he talked me out of the fried chicken i really really really wanted) and we found incense called "mj's moonwalk"
maybe i'll start leaving the house on sundays more often.
speaking horoscopes (which i'm in all actuality not even that into) today mine included the phrase "Don't be overly dramatic about your own version of paradise lost." I stopped judging you. please stop judging me. can't we all just get along?
Fun times on the train. this will be a reoccuring segment, i'm sure.
I forgot my ipod at work on friday. so my mind was going extra crazy on the train ALL weekend. Which was actually ok, because there were a lot of funny things happening on the train that balanced out the anxiety. On friday on my way home from work, there were a bunch of guys talking about the Parade for the Yankees (i don't know if you heard, but they won the world series. its a really big deal). I felt like i was watching a sketch comedy group of people making fun of yankees fans with those terrible long island accents. I was sitting next to them and just blatantly laughing at what they were saying. Until this kid who was probably 4 or 5 got on the train who was just tall enough to barely see out the window when standing by the door. this kid was giggling one of those little kid contagious belly laughs and there were literally a good 8 of us adults (i guess not 'us' adults. i'm more of a preteen) just staring at this kid and laughing too. it was awesome. and we all just kept looking at this kid and looking at each other and laughing. For as big of a city as New York is, there have for sure been a lot of moments when it feels like such a small little community of friends. On Halloween i was on the J train and there was this little girl sitting facing away from her mother on a little pink plastic cell phone, her mother on her real cell phone, having a conversation. Her mother kept laughing, so i decided to hit pause on my ipod and eavesdrop. At one point the little girl said "are you lis'nin to me chil'" and her mother said "did you just call me 'child'" to which the little girl responded "Mmmmhmmm." The train was kind of empty at 9pm on a saturday night, but those of us who were lucky enough to overhear this conversation started cracking up. i heart nyc.
that being said. there are also SO many moments on the train that make me want to shoot myself in the knee cap. once there was a lady on the train who had her 18 month child in a stroller in front of her on the train. the baby was crying and reaching for her, she was reading a book (a lesbian porno novel that i WISH SO BADLY i remembered the name of) and had her headphones in. She kept looking at the baby and saying "what? whats the matter with you? why do you keep grabbing at my leg?" Now, i don't have children. and i understand that there are times when communication with a child who don't have verbal skills yet. however. this is not one of those times. everyone knows what that child wants. If you chose to turn the stroller so the child can no longer reach your leg, and continue living in your world of erotica and ipods... you better have brought an ipod for everyone on the train. i don't want to listen to your child screaming. that poor, poor baby.
Anyway. there will be more subway stories to come. some funny. some sad. some gross. all amazing, i'm sure.
that being said. there are also SO many moments on the train that make me want to shoot myself in the knee cap. once there was a lady on the train who had her 18 month child in a stroller in front of her on the train. the baby was crying and reaching for her, she was reading a book (a lesbian porno novel that i WISH SO BADLY i remembered the name of) and had her headphones in. She kept looking at the baby and saying "what? whats the matter with you? why do you keep grabbing at my leg?" Now, i don't have children. and i understand that there are times when communication with a child who don't have verbal skills yet. however. this is not one of those times. everyone knows what that child wants. If you chose to turn the stroller so the child can no longer reach your leg, and continue living in your world of erotica and ipods... you better have brought an ipod for everyone on the train. i don't want to listen to your child screaming. that poor, poor baby.
Anyway. there will be more subway stories to come. some funny. some sad. some gross. all amazing, i'm sure.
Friday, November 6, 2009
Not a girl...
this blog title is dedicated to my roommate roger, who not only will make a joke about me looking like a 12 year old boy, but will also appreciate the brit reference. which i promise the rest of my blog readers i will never make again.
i'm turning 25 in less than a month. yikes. every year i have a tiny anxiety attack about turning older and not accomplishing enough with my life. but this year, i think its real. i mean... 25 sounds old, right? like i should maybe be a grown up?
but more so than sounding old, I'm starting to feel old. which is gross. I'm too tired to do anything after work now. all i ever want to do is put on a pair of sweat pants, drink a glass of wine and complain about the neighbor's dog barking. I now wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. that can't be a good sign. if i eat fatty foods, i gain weight.I don't have a single joint on my body that still works properly. I crave things like spinach and brussel sprouts. I don't understand technology. I still can't use my blackberry and i've had it for 3 months. I tried to 'follow' my friend jon's blog (because he's the bestest and i love him) and it made me pick a different picture for my 'profile'. I thought this was all through google? so why do i have one picture for my gchat, another for this blog and another for following his blog? Also, whats the difference between following a blog, and having it on you 'reader'or 'blogroll'???
old.
on a much more disturbing note, i can no longer do shots of whiskey. In college, i loved doing shots of Jack. I didn't even care if it was warm. I just liked being a bad ass. Now i can't because it hurts my tummy. and i wake up with indigestion. And its hard enough for me to overcome a hangover in my old age as it is.
Other disturbing signs: I get really excited for the pottery barn catalog to come in. I am obsessed with housewares even at places like Family Dollar (the other night while buying my cocoa pebbles... sign of a true grown up... i also considered buying a blender, even though i haven't used or needed to use a blender in about 4 years. I also browsed the placemats, all of which were hideous. oh. and i don't have a kitchen table). I also love looking at office supplies, but always have. Every fall since graduation i get a little depressed that i don't get to go back to school shopping. i don't think that makes me old, but i thought of it, so i typed it.
Most terrifying sign: I'm starting to like pop music. Not just beyonce, who is clearly amazing. But like.. John Mayer, Matchbox 20, Taylor Swift's new song about being fucking 15 years old, That Train song (although in my head the lyrics are adam sandler saying "meestah meestah" instead of the train guy saying 'mister mister'). WHO AM I???? i used to have such good taste in music and hate when sappy shit like that played on the radio. although i genuinely like the meestah meestah part and think the younger hipper version of me would like it too.
At the same time, i don't really feel like i'm "growing up" all that much. i still live in a filthy apartment with 3 boys. we always have beer cans--and usually 40's-- on the end table. By end table, i mean piece of drywall that we've place on a Rubbermaid bin in front of our couch. All of which i absolutely love. not really the filth or the beer cans or the makeshift end table, but the atmosphere.
a majority of my girl friends from high school are engaged, married, mommys... i'm no where near any of that. and don't *think i* want to be.
Professionally, i think i'll always think i should be doing bigger and better. But I can also actually recognize the fact that I'm doing pretty well for myself these days. yay for that.
its a weird middle ground. i'm not sure how i feel about it.
Also around my birthday, and sometimes on random days anytime of year, I think if i'm walking up to somewhere that is abnormally quiet that its going to be my surprise party. Seriously. for as long as i've know that surprise parties exist. and even now that i'm old enough to know that if i walk up to my apartment on July 15th and the dead bolt is locked and no one is making any noise that there is a 99.9% chance that is NOT my surprise party, that .1% still gets me excited.
i'm turning 25 in less than a month. yikes. every year i have a tiny anxiety attack about turning older and not accomplishing enough with my life. but this year, i think its real. i mean... 25 sounds old, right? like i should maybe be a grown up?
but more so than sounding old, I'm starting to feel old. which is gross. I'm too tired to do anything after work now. all i ever want to do is put on a pair of sweat pants, drink a glass of wine and complain about the neighbor's dog barking. I now wake up in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. that can't be a good sign. if i eat fatty foods, i gain weight.I don't have a single joint on my body that still works properly. I crave things like spinach and brussel sprouts. I don't understand technology. I still can't use my blackberry and i've had it for 3 months. I tried to 'follow' my friend jon's blog (because he's the bestest and i love him) and it made me pick a different picture for my 'profile'. I thought this was all through google? so why do i have one picture for my gchat, another for this blog and another for following his blog? Also, whats the difference between following a blog, and having it on you 'reader'or 'blogroll'???
old.
on a much more disturbing note, i can no longer do shots of whiskey. In college, i loved doing shots of Jack. I didn't even care if it was warm. I just liked being a bad ass. Now i can't because it hurts my tummy. and i wake up with indigestion. And its hard enough for me to overcome a hangover in my old age as it is.
Other disturbing signs: I get really excited for the pottery barn catalog to come in. I am obsessed with housewares even at places like Family Dollar (the other night while buying my cocoa pebbles... sign of a true grown up... i also considered buying a blender, even though i haven't used or needed to use a blender in about 4 years. I also browsed the placemats, all of which were hideous. oh. and i don't have a kitchen table). I also love looking at office supplies, but always have. Every fall since graduation i get a little depressed that i don't get to go back to school shopping. i don't think that makes me old, but i thought of it, so i typed it.
Most terrifying sign: I'm starting to like pop music. Not just beyonce, who is clearly amazing. But like.. John Mayer, Matchbox 20, Taylor Swift's new song about being fucking 15 years old, That Train song (although in my head the lyrics are adam sandler saying "meestah meestah" instead of the train guy saying 'mister mister'). WHO AM I???? i used to have such good taste in music and hate when sappy shit like that played on the radio. although i genuinely like the meestah meestah part and think the younger hipper version of me would like it too.
At the same time, i don't really feel like i'm "growing up" all that much. i still live in a filthy apartment with 3 boys. we always have beer cans--and usually 40's-- on the end table. By end table, i mean piece of drywall that we've place on a Rubbermaid bin in front of our couch. All of which i absolutely love. not really the filth or the beer cans or the makeshift end table, but the atmosphere.
a majority of my girl friends from high school are engaged, married, mommys... i'm no where near any of that. and don't *think i* want to be.
Professionally, i think i'll always think i should be doing bigger and better. But I can also actually recognize the fact that I'm doing pretty well for myself these days. yay for that.
its a weird middle ground. i'm not sure how i feel about it.
Also around my birthday, and sometimes on random days anytime of year, I think if i'm walking up to somewhere that is abnormally quiet that its going to be my surprise party. Seriously. for as long as i've know that surprise parties exist. and even now that i'm old enough to know that if i walk up to my apartment on July 15th and the dead bolt is locked and no one is making any noise that there is a 99.9% chance that is NOT my surprise party, that .1% still gets me excited.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Maybe I'll write a blog...
I've been considering writing a blog for a while now. Like... since I moved to New York a year and 2 months ago. Then I thought I'd start one for my one year anniversary in New York 2 months ago. Finally... I'm doing it. mostly because i am so funny and think i should do the world a favor by sharing my funny thoughts. Ok, actually there are only a handful of people that think i'm funny. ME being my number one fan. Most people just think I'm a weirdi. thats ok with me. I really like me. and i really like writing.
I've also decided in the past week that its time for a new leaf. I'm going to be really focusing on the Acting/modeling/writing/music thing... and that is all keeping me very busy, which is really really good. I'm also going to be focusing on only surrounding myself with people that i like and that support me.I've given up on the idea of ever dating anyone in this city. and thats ok, i have amazing friends, thats all that matters, right? (my co-worker gave me a shirt that says "white boys. fuck all y'all." and i love it. thanks niki!) I'm going to be more selfish... in a good way. And i'm going to fill my life with as much fun and laughter as humanly possible. After all, i'm young, and in the city of my dreams, pursuing a career i've been passionate about since i was a kid, i have 3 roommates who are so fun and funny, and i have awesome friends.
I don't always do things like capitalize letters or use apostrophes for contractions or proof read my stream of consciousness writing style. and i can't spell. and i'm a polite, well educated young individual, however i think the word 'poop' is hilarious, and sometimes things that are not P.C. are really funny. also, i sometimes have a bit of a potty mouth. sorry if you find that sort of thing offensive... or if you're my dad and you're utterly disappointed in the way i turned out. those are the things you should know that about my my blog.
Also, more so than me being funny, living in new york is so funny! and i'm an idiot. funny stuff happens literally everyday. and what else am i supposed to do with these gems of stories? so i will blog them, and one day make a fantastic movie about being crazy in new york featuring me and a bunch of homeless people on the subway. For now, if you're bored at work, you should read Tim's blog and his 'bored at work' entries, and then you should read mine.
so thats my blog. I may or may not use it for professional purposes too... like bragging about all the cool shit i'm doing and how i'm dealing with all the fortune and fame. or maybe i'll start a more professional blog... thoughts? also, i might describe the outfits i'm wearing as everyday i put together a true masterpiece, and not enough people get to appreciate it. I'll probably start this thing off with a bang and post more later today.
do i need to come up with a clever way to sign off?
I've also decided in the past week that its time for a new leaf. I'm going to be really focusing on the Acting/modeling/writing/music thing... and that is all keeping me very busy, which is really really good. I'm also going to be focusing on only surrounding myself with people that i like and that support me.I've given up on the idea of ever dating anyone in this city. and thats ok, i have amazing friends, thats all that matters, right? (my co-worker gave me a shirt that says "white boys. fuck all y'all." and i love it. thanks niki!) I'm going to be more selfish... in a good way. And i'm going to fill my life with as much fun and laughter as humanly possible. After all, i'm young, and in the city of my dreams, pursuing a career i've been passionate about since i was a kid, i have 3 roommates who are so fun and funny, and i have awesome friends.
I don't always do things like capitalize letters or use apostrophes for contractions or proof read my stream of consciousness writing style. and i can't spell. and i'm a polite, well educated young individual, however i think the word 'poop' is hilarious, and sometimes things that are not P.C. are really funny. also, i sometimes have a bit of a potty mouth. sorry if you find that sort of thing offensive... or if you're my dad and you're utterly disappointed in the way i turned out. those are the things you should know that about my my blog.
Also, more so than me being funny, living in new york is so funny! and i'm an idiot. funny stuff happens literally everyday. and what else am i supposed to do with these gems of stories? so i will blog them, and one day make a fantastic movie about being crazy in new york featuring me and a bunch of homeless people on the subway. For now, if you're bored at work, you should read Tim's blog and his 'bored at work' entries, and then you should read mine.
so thats my blog. I may or may not use it for professional purposes too... like bragging about all the cool shit i'm doing and how i'm dealing with all the fortune and fame. or maybe i'll start a more professional blog... thoughts? also, i might describe the outfits i'm wearing as everyday i put together a true masterpiece, and not enough people get to appreciate it. I'll probably start this thing off with a bang and post more later today.
do i need to come up with a clever way to sign off?
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
