I've always depended on the kindness of strangers

Yesterday, while walking to the subway from my chiropractor's appointment, a stranger turned to me and said "don't marry for love."

I was waiting for a for the light to change at 48th and 5th. This was a well dressed 'business man' in midtown (aka corporate central for those of you unfamiliar with the likings of the big city).

I turned to him with a smile and said "good to know. i'll have to keep that in mind."

He replied "They're both going to break your heart. the poor guy will break your heart. so will the rich one-- but at least you'll walk away with some money."

the man has a point. luckily, i've never really planned on marrying for love anyway. I've always intended my first marriage to be devoted completely to my weekend at daddy's plan. hence the entire blog. Random man on 48th and 5th at 7:00 on a Tuesday evening, I am one step ahead of you.

baby's got blue skies up ahead

nothing, i repeat nothing can make your commute home more enjoyable than this:

Wuv, Twu Wuv

August 25, 2010

Dear Blog,

One day we will be together again and we will frolic in the meadow and go parasailing and go star gazing and climb a mountain and see the Eiffel Tour and find bear paw prints in the mud and feed each other chocolate covered strawberries and laugh at ugly people together and sip on champagne and get married and have babies and live happily ever after, just like this lovely couple.

However, until you start pulling your weight financially in this relationship, i'm stuck at my day job all day long with no time to spend with you. Do your part, blog.

With love to the moon and back
forever and for always your girl
xoxo
Casey Nicole


**special thanks to Alex for finding the pic

If i can make it here, i can make it anywhere

the other day on my early morning commute to work, the woman standing next to me suddenly, and without warning

THREW UP ON MY FOOT.

Blogger, that's your largest font? you've got to be kidding me!

She then looked up at me and casually, quietly, politely said "i'm sorry." as if maybe she had stepped on my foot trying to get to a seat. I said "it’s ok" even though it’s not and took a step away from the pile of vomit. Although i should have just taken one for the team and stood by it the rest of the ride considering it was already covering one foot and had splashed onto the other.

I really had no f'ing clue what to do. i could have very easily thrown up right back at her, or cried. but instead, i instinctively laughed. not really at her, just quietly to myself. because there was vomit on my shoe and i was still 2 stops and short walk and an 39 floor elevator ride from my office. She's really lucky i'm so non-violent and have a strong stomach and passive aggressive and relatively nice.

When i got to my office, i went to the bathroom where i promptly threw away my shoes and washed my feet in the sink. i was wearing a skirt that was too short to put my feet in the sink-- something you never really consider when buying a skirt.

I guess overall it was worth it. 15 mins of vomit on my foot for a story that will last a lifetime. i'll take it. The most disappointing thing for me is that i had always imagined if someone was going to throw up on my shoes, it would be Kid Rock.

My brother in law is cooler than your brother in law.

I am lucky enough to have a sister lucky enough to have married this phenomenally talented musician, Mr. Adam Pedersen. Here's a video from his last show. its so freaking goooood!

Fame and Fortune and Glory

my show is famous! Check us out in NY Mag Y'all!!!!

so this post doesn't have a title. big whoop. wanna fight about it?

I've had a very busy month of july. new job, family emergency, pet emergency, rehearsing 3 shows. i've been a busy girl. yet... really nothing to write about. how does that happen? my mind is too busy memorizing my lines, learning my duties at work, grieving over my cat and stressing about my father to entertain me?!?!? GET IT TOGETHER, BRAIN! i need you to be funny to me all the time or my life sucks.

heehee. duties at work. get it? like pooping in your place of employment? OR like poopoo that HAS a job and is currently doing it! yeah, that's a better mental image. lets go with that.

the good news is i really like everything i'm doing. ok i didn't "like" my dad being in the hospital, that's just cruel. But i did like spending time with my family.

OH here's a funny story! So i was standing on a packed train Monday morning on my way to work, sitting directly in front of me was a gentlemen in his 30's. Enter: Beautiful woman in her late 20's with long brown hair to my right. aka, not directly in front of this gentleman. He tries to get my attention, which he does because i am standing directly in front of him, i take out my earphone and he asks me to nudge the beautiful lady to get her attention, because she is not standing directly in front of him and is looking the other way. She then turns to him and he says to her "would you like to sit down?" and offers her his seat. She declines. they go back to their business. i pause while my brain processes the emotions i am feeling. Ok...i may not be a supermodel, but i am a model. just kidding. but my self esteem was bruised. i was SO astonished. So I gave them both dirty looks. which is when i realize the beautiful girl was pregnant. PHEW. offering a girl a seat because she's preggo is TOTALLY acceptable, and even admirable. offering a girl a seat because she's prettier than me is not ok. I guess that's not really a funny story in all actuality. it was a funny story for the 5 minutes i felt like shit about myself. maybe i should have just left it at that.

also this:Thanks to Kelheen for sending that to me.

OK, everyone. time to get on with your day.

c'est la V

THANK GOODNESS someone read my blog and listened to my concern about how absolutely pointless the V train is... and as of yesterday, it will no longer be wasting my time.

my next problem with the MTA... when you make the change the M train (which now heads into midtown just in time for me to start my new job in the empire state building... which of course i think is great) to the orange line, when it's in brooklyn, on the J line, it looks absolutely terrible next to the brown. really, really bad. ugh... you were THIS close to having it right, MTA.

also, you neglected to answer a lot of other questions i had about the subway system. but i'll be patient.

Now on to the pedestrians of NYC. i can't even begin to tell you how much i hate you. but let me just offer at least this much advice. if you are a slow walker, that's fine. i understand. i'm from the midwest too, and at one point was a tourist. However. Don't walk in big groups that take up the entire sidewalk, your huge suitcase should stay directly behind you instead of taking up the entire sidewalk, and you should try to walk in a straight line instead of weaving back and forth taking up the entire sidewalk. I don't know if you realize this, but these cardinal sins of side-walking make it so i can NEVER get around you. its rude. I know you think New Yorkers are rude for sometimes being vocal about your interference, but we have jobs to go to. I mean.. i'm still too much of a polite young lady from the midwest to be vocal about this-- but just know, i am hating you in my brain.

'lady.' GOD i'm funny.

OH i almost forgot. best part of the new subway changes is at 14th and 6th....

How amazing is that? NYmag reports that they're changing it. I strongly urge you, MTA to not make such a mistake. this sign will brighten my day 100% of the time.

at least its memory will be preserved here. in my blog. forever.

Mon Frere, Derriere

Hold on to your butts: this blog will contain graphic information. graphic, personal information. i should probably keep it to myself, but of course i won't. I feel a certain sense of social obligation as a writer to share it because its so funny, and sense of social obligation as a lady to not. I possess only enough knowledge of social 'norms' and 'guidelines' to recognize when i'm stepping outside the boundaries, and not enough to follow them. lady... who are we kidding.

I had my first Brazilian bikini wax.

don't worry--- that's not even the "too inappropriate to share" part.

I work at a spa, so i KNOW the girl. that's awkward. small talk without pants on-- or panties for that matter (who hasn't had a conversation with me pant-less)

Staring at my Vag, she asked "Are you one of those 'i look like i'm really young but i'm really married with kids' people?" are you talking about me or my vag? we are both 25 and single.

now here's the cherry on top.

"put your knees together and pull them to your chest." wait for it wait for it wait for it... " huh. you've got a lot of intricate stuff going on back here."





what?


wh-WHAT? what does that even mean?

in·tri·cate -adjective
1. having many parts or facets; entangled or involved: an intricate maze

2. complex; hard to understand, work, or make: an intricate machine.

she said it in such a neutral way i didn't know if it was a positive thing or negative. just very 'matter of fact' ly. your asshole hair is intricate.

was it exceptionally long? was there a lot of it? was the density of the hair different than other hair on my body? did it have natural highlights? was it braided in cornrows?

I must admit i don't really look at my own ass hair all that often, nor do i look at other people's. i feel the need to make some phone calls to some ex-lovers. "hey! its been a while, how are you? ok, ok, good, whatever. was the hair on my asshole ever--- distinguishable in anyway?"

Roger made the keen observation that i could have just waxed off the Picasso of Pubic hair. that it could be the biggest mistake of my life. my 'sliding doors' moment. Ellis is wondering if it was the source of all my powers. what if my blog writing suffers from this? Jared wonders if it was acting as a form of birth control-- sort of playing 'goalie.' (as you can imagine, this conversation lasted for hours). I guess we'll find out all of these things in due time.

Because i do embarrassing things all the time, i very rarely feel embarrassed. i've developed a tolerance. but i have to admit. this is going to go down in the books as being one of the more uncomfortable moments in my life.

i just googled 'butt jokes' to look for a good way to end this blog. couldn't find anything funny-- so that is your homework assignment. please leave a comment and amuse me with your best butt jokes.

look at meeeeee!

If this doesn't get me nominated for an Oscar, I don't know what will....

Say it With a Hot Girl! Starring Casey Nicole Wright!

check out other sketches by Sans Pants Productions here. they is funny.